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The Teen Mind - A PrimerThe
teenage years are recognized as a time of rapid growth spurts and
raging hormones, but did you know that the teenage brain is still
relatively young and under construction? With the aid of new imaging
tools, scientists are probing the mechanics and functioning of the
brain, learning more about how it develops during adolescence.
The
new findings run counter to the long-held belief that the human brain
fully develops by age five. Instead, researchers discovered that the
frontal lobes, which are instrumental in making good decisions, are
still linking up and establishing their control over other parts of the
brain.
Children are wired from birth to operate primarily from
the hypothalamus region of the brain. This is the area that is in
charge of fairly primitive actions, things we might as adults consider
to be impulsive or even selfish. It ensures basic survival through
behaviors such as eating, resting, flight or fight responses to
threats, and pleasure-seeking.
Unfortunately, the hypothalamus
is not concerned with social constraints and civilized human behaviors;
it is impulsive and seeks instant gratification. Somewhat similarly,
the limbic system of the brain is responsible for strong emotions. The
limbic portion of the brain is also quite powerful in adolescents; due
to the diminished filtering capacity provided by the still-developing
frontal lobes, adolescents are more susceptible to peer pressure and
fitting in with the group.
As the brain develops during
adolescence to become more efficient and able to handle abstract
information, it is reconfiguring neural connections through new
learning and new experiences, and pruning away some of the less
necessary functional connections established during childhood. When
this process is completed the young adult brain will be able to process
complex and abstract information to make decisions, organize plans and
ideas, form strategies, control impulses and allocate attention.
During this long developmental journey, parental guidance provides the
critical support for a successful transition.
Dr. David Walsh,
in his 2004 book Why do they act that way?, describes this information
in wonderful and easy-to-understand detail. Adolescence starts with
the physical onset of puberty, and ends with the social ability to
function as a responsible young adult. This developmental process
takes longer than the teenage years alone – it can extend into a
person’s 20s. Walsh outlines four major changes that occur in
adolescence:
- Rapid physical changes
- Changes in both the intensity and the volatility of emotions
- The shift of influence from parents to peers
- The search for identity – need to answer the questions of “who am I” and “who do I want to be”?
These
major developmental changes are powerful and can feel quite tumultuous
to both the adolescent and their family at times – and they are normal
and to be expected. Parents who have good information on what to
expect and what to do are better prepared for the ups and downs.
Walsh includes some concrete suggestions summarized here:
Do
- Expect your teenager to become sensitive to how he looks.
- Understand the importance of connection and friends to your child.
- Be open to discussing values, even when your teen questions you or
disagrees. That challenging means that your teen is starting to think
for herself, not that they are rejecting everything you think is
important.
- Talk about peer pressure and how to manage it; encourage your teen to make independent decisions.
Don’t
- Don’t make derogatory remarks about your teen’s physical appearance.
- Don’t be surprised if your adolescent becomes embarrassed by you; it’s not you – she’ll grow out of it.
- Don’t put down your teen’s friends. He will defend them. If you have worried about his peers, state the worries calmly.
- Don’t base your parenting decisions on what every other teen is doing. Decide what you think is best.
- Don’t sweat the small stuff. Save your relationship capital for the important issues.
Connection
Staying connected depends on the
adult to remember that someone needs to act reasonably even when the
adolescent can’t. Don’t escalate.
Staying connected means
being open to different possibilities. Maintaining family rituals and
vacations are great ways to stay connected; so are smaller things like
putting notes in teen lunch bags or packs, being genuinely interested
in their lives and activities, offering to chaperone your teen and her
friends so they can go to a concert, making popcorn without being
asked, going to or renting the movie he wants to see, giving a small
present for no reason, and so on.
Guidance
No matter what teens may tell you, they still
need your guidance and limits. Since their rational prefrontal cortex
is still developing, we parents, teachers, coaches, counselors, and
other adults need to function and serve as their surrogate prefrontal
cortex.
Do
- Search for ways to connect with your teen; be creative.
- Spend time together as a family.
- Involve other adults in your teenager’s life.
- Maintain family traditions even when teens complain about them.
- Have a curfew that you enforce.
- Insist that your teen share in family chores and responsibilities; they need to know they belong.
Don’t
- Don’t lecture. If lectures worked, you wouldn’t need to keep repeating them.
- Don’t grant the divorce from the family that your teen may seem to request; he doesn’t really mean it.
- Don’t stop going to school activities.
- Don’t base your parenting decisions on what other parents may do or
not do as parents; find what works for your family and your adolescent.
Walsh’s
book offers many valuable insights and suggestions useful to parents
raising their children and teenagers—I recommend it highly. In
addition, counseling can be sought to provide a more personalized way
to address concerns.
Adolescence can be a bumpy ride, but perseverance and a steady hand at the rudder will see your family through.
Michael Huntley, M.A., LP
Clinical Director
YSB, Inc.
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